Deal with an Angel
by Michael Con
Summary: Set during season 5, replacing the episode "You're Welcome". Lindsey plans to ruin Angel by forging a contract between Buffy and Wolfram & Hart which she can't help but break.
1. Chapter 1

**Set during season 5, replacing the episode "You're Welcome". Lindsey plans to ruin Angel by forging a contract between Buffy and Wolfram & Hart which she can't help but break.**

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At Wolfram & Hart, Spike enters the main lobby after having been to the medical center for the latest checkup on his reattached arms. He leans against the front desk, flexing his fingers while reading the label on a bottle of pain pills.

"No more than two every twelve hours. Oh, sod off!"

He unscrews the cap, wincing at the tension in his forearms, and mouths six pills which he quickly follows with a sip of hard liquor from a small bottle he carries in his pocket.

"Spike!"

His name sounds across the lobby, and Spike is shocked at the voice he knows so well. He turns around and sees Buffy.

"Buffy?"

While he hadn't seen her, she has been looking at him since he entered the lobby. To her, his entrance was almost unbelievable, and it demanded a few moments of her silence. The last time she had seen him had been under the Hellmouth and his skin was bursting in patches of light and fire. But now here he was, unharmed, as if his great sacrifice was just a magic trick, and she had found the magician safe under the trap door.

Buffy walks to within an arm's length of him, looking him over, tears thinly welling, but not falling.

Spike didn't want her to find out like this. He wanted to plan out something special, a grand re-entrance into her life that could compare to his exit. He didn't know what that special re-entrance was yet, but it wasn't this, with his back turned in the lobby of a law firm, swallowing pills and liquor.

So, he stands there confused, unsure of what he should do, unsure of what she will do.

After a few moments of just staring at each other, he says, "Look- I know you probably hate me right now, but…"

She interrupts, holds up a palm and says, "Could we wait a bit before the post resurrection drama? I'm kinda tired of those scenes."

Then Buffy closes the distance and hugs him. Not knowing what to expect, he is surprised to feel the warmth and strength of her around him, and then in relief he returns the embrace. They both lose tension in their stance and hold one another with comfort and sadness.

"God, I missed you," she says.

"Missed you too, luv," he says, while pressing his scarred eyebrow against her hair. In that moment, he doesn't care how she found out.

From a hallway Angel enters the lobby scanning a folder of documents. When he looks up and sees Buffy and Spike in each other's arms, his body seizes still and straight.

"Buffy?"

"Great," Spike sighs, and then tilts his head towards Angel and says, "We're in the middle of a resurrection reunion here, champ. Give us a minute."

But before he can return his attention to the embrace, Buffy says, "Hugging time's over," takes a step back, and then punches Spike in the face with enough force to make him fly, land, and then slide to stop in front of Angel's feet.

Spike palms the right side of his face, which is in blunt pain, forced to remember how hard Buffy can hit, and groans, "I should'a expected that."

Angel looks down at him with a smile and says, "Not that you didn't deserve it," and then to Buffy, "You probably have more anger you'd like to let out. Feel free." After a beat, he adds "Can I watch?"

Buffy looks up at Angel in anger and says, "I should beat the crap out of both of you."

"What did I do?"

"How long have you known he's been alive?"

"Oh, that," he says quietly as he pockets his hands, slumps his shoulders, and looks away in shame.

"How long?", she repeats louder.

"About four months," says Spike as he gets to his feet, "he knew the moment I came back." Spike looks at Angel with mock scorn and says, "Tisk, tisk, Angel."

Angel replies, "Oh, shut up, Spike!"

Buffy shouts, "Four months! Four months, and neither of you were even in the process of telling me?"

Angel looks downs and says like a child shifting blame, "He told me not to."

"That's your excuse?"

Spike steps to her side, mimicking her glare at Angel, and says, "Yeah. You should hit him."

In frustration, she shoves Spike away.

"And what the hell is your excuse?", she asks.

Almost losing his balance, he replies, "Hey, hey! Alright, I was wrong, but flattening my pretty face doesn't make you right. How did you find out anyway? Andrew snitch?"

"Yes, but only after I read this." She pulls out several pieces of folded, stapled paper from her back pocket. She looks at Angel and then roughly hands them to him. "This is why I'm here. Your law firm is suing me for braking a contract with them that I've never signed."

"What?" says Angel as he grabs the pages and looks at them in confusion. "What was the agreement?"

"To kill Spike."


	2. Chapter 2

"Kill me?", Spike exclaims like a reflex.

"It's a mistake," says Buffy in defense, "Angel, what the hell is going on? I've never dealt with Wolfram & Hart, and I only knew Spike was alive after I read this two days ago."

All Angel can say is, "I don't know," and continues scanning the lawsuit. Spike steps over to his side does the same.

From behind Buffy, Wesley approaches and begins saying, "Angel, could I have a wor…" only to stop when Buffy's face turns to his familiar voice. "Buffy?"

"Wesley."

"Hello, it's good to see you."

Buffy and Wesley each take a moment to process how much they've both changed since they last met four years ago when Faith had tried to kill Angel.

"You look-." She pauses because all she could think of saying is how much more attractive he is.

"Let's just both agree we look older."

Glad for his suggestion, she says "Sure."

There follows an awkward silence. Buffy and Wesley have never had much to say to each other.

"What brings you to L.A.?"

Spike answers, "Someone forged her John Hancock in a contract to off me."

"What?"

Angel says, "Wes, where's Gunn? I can't make anything out of this legal language."

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In Gunn's office.

Gunn is at his computer looking at a digital copy of Buffy's contract. Angel stands behind Gunn with his arms folded over his chest, stealing glances at Buffy, while she and Spike awkwardly stand in front, waiting for Gunn to say something. Her eyes defiantly look at neither of the vampires, and Spike's move back and forth between her and the desk as he wonders if he should say anything, and if so, what. Wesley stands to the side, and occasionally his eyes meet Gunn's and they both sympathize that any room is too small when you have to share it with the slayer and these two vampires.

After quickly reading the majority of the contract, Gunn scrolls to the end of the document where a signature "Buffy Summers" lays above the dotted line.

"Is this you're signature?" he asks her.

Buffy looks at the screen and sighs, "Yes."

Angel asks, "Well, Gunn?"

"It's a valid contract. Written by a pro too. Not a single ambiguity, no loop-holes."

Buffy says, "Well, I'm glad that this guy got an A in law school for assassins, but could we please skip to the part where you just cancel this thing and find who's responsible."

Angel asks, "Which one of our employees wrote it up?"

Gunn looks at the end of the contract and says, "A guy named Daniel Devsyne."

Angel says to Wesley, "Wes, find this guy and drag him to my office."

"Right", Wesley replies with relief, and leaves the office to find Mr. Devsyne.

Spike asks, "Like the Slayer said, can we hurry up and cancel this thing? I don't like having a hit out on my head, forged or not."

Gunn answers, "Sure, since there's no third party involved and it's just between Buffy and the law firm, all I have to do is access the files and get Angel's permission to null the agreement."

He returns to the keyboard and starts accessing the files.

Buffy asks, "How long is this going to take?"

"A few minutes to set up the paper work and then Angel has to sign it."

Buffy says, "Ok, good. Now, where was I? Oh, right"

She grabs Spike by the lapels of his jacket and slams him against the wall, causing a large dented crack in the plaster.

Gunn shouts, "Hey, my wall!"

Spike groans from the assault on his spine and says, "I thought you said you were tired of this kind of drama?"

She neglects his comment and demands, "When were you planning on telling me?"

"I'm not sure anymore considering this is the reception I would have got."

To that she throws Spike across the room where he hits and destroys a large lamp.

"My lamp!", Gunn yells.

Angel just looks on with a smirk. Not only does he like seeing Spike get hurt, he loves watching Buffy's strength.

Spike sits up on the fragments of the lamp, and asks, "Is this what I get… ow… for saving the world?"

"Seeing how you survived exploding and cratering my town, I think you'll survive a beating."

Gunn interrupts, "But my office wont. I get you two have some issues, but could you take this outside?"

Angel says, "Relax Gunn. It's not like you get to see this every day."

After getting to his feet, Spike says, "Slayer, could we do this after we find that lawyer that wants you to kill me? Wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of fulfilling your part of the deal, would we?"

"I didn't make any deal!"

"Well, stop acting like you did and come on, then." Spike exits the office and Buffy follows, still infuriated.

Looking at the damage done to his office, Gunn asks Angel, "So, that's the famous ex, huh?"

"Yeah. That's Buffy. "

"Is this the normal first impression she gives?"

"Uh, well, sorta. The first time we met she drop kicked me at the back of my neck." Angel can't help but smile at the memory.

"Charming girl."

"I was stalking her," Angel adds defensively, "And besides, it kinda goes with her line of work."

Gunn notices that Angel is anxious to leave and says, "I'll keep you updated. Go."

"Thanks."

Angel quickly exits the room.

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Spike, Buffy, and Angel soon after enter the lobby and find Wesley standing behind Harmony as she types at her computer. Her face is hiding behind the monitor.

Spike asks, "Wesley, got an office number for us?"

Wesley replies, "No. We've just checked and there's no Daniel Devsyne in our employee files, at least for the L.A. branch. Harmony is in the process of checking the others."

At that name, Buffy asks, "Harmony?"

Harmony pokes her head out from behind the computer screen with a frightened smile and says, "Hey, Buffy. It's been awhile. Heard about the lawsuit, bummer."

"Yeah," Buffy says in a daze, and then asks Angel, "What is she doing here?"

He answers with pausing sighs, "Don't kill her- she's my secretary."

"Of course she is."

Harmony adds, "And I'm not evil anymore. Honestly, I haven't killed anyone in months."

In fake astonishment, Buffy says, "Months? Wow, good for you. And now you work for an evil law firm?"

"Yep," is her response, without any awareness of Buffy's sarcasm.

Spike says, "Enough chat, Harm."

"Oh, right." She continues searching the database.

Sulking, Angel says to Buffy, "We're not evil."

Buffy just looks at him silently with arched eyebrows.

"We're not," he repeats.

Fred appears in the lobby and walks over to Angel, "Angel, about our client that killed those five nuns, still no trace of him."

With a pained smile, Angel says, "Thanks, Fred."

Buffy's brow arches even more.

In defense he says, "That's just one bad apple, and we're on it, alright."

Fred continues but with slight hesitation, eyes shifting between Angel and Buffy, "Also, Kasstergaard called and keeps demanding human infants for his sacrifice."

Annoyed, Angel says, "I told him we'd get him ostrich eggs instead." He looks back to Buffy with an awkward chuckle and continues, "Oh, uh, let me introduce you. Fred this is Buffy Summers, Buffy, Fred Burkle."

Surprised, Fred says, "Oh, you're the ex-girlfriend that died and came back to life."

Buffy asks, "So, that's my reputation around here?"

"Oh, sorry. I know you kill vampires too… not that that's all you do, of course, I uh…"

"That's ok, Fred," says Buffy, and then while looking at Spike who shies away, "At least you guys heard about me coming back to life."

"Well, I'm glad to finally meet you, Buffy. What brings you here?"

"Your law firm is suing me."

"Oh- oh." Fred stops talking awkwardly.

Spike asks, "Harm, got anything for us?"

To which Harmony says, "No, sorry"

Wesley says, "It appears that there's no one by the name Daniel Devsyne in our database."

Buffy rolls her eyes and asks herself, "Why am I surprised?"

Angel, asking anyone, "Then how did the contract get filed in our system?"

Then Gunn enters the lobby with a printed copy of the contract in his hands and says loudly, "Angel, we've got a problem."


	3. Chapter 3

Angel, Buffy, Spike, Gunn and Wesley have gathered in Angel's office.

Sitting behind his desk, Angel asks Gunn with annoyance, "What do you mean I don't have any authorization over this? I'm the CEO."

Gunn explains, "Yeah, for the L.A. branch, but this goes higher than that."

"What?"

"Look, this contract isn't like the ones we make on a day-to-day basis with our clients. It's more like the contracts that we all made with Wolfram Hart. The Senior Partners have direct oversight of them, and they aren't going to let us rip them up anytime we feel like it."

Buffy asks, "Who are the Senior Partners?"

Angel answers, "They're the owners of the law firm."

Spike adds with a sting, "They're like the Big Bad in these parts, only Angel hadn't the balls to kill them his first year round, so by year five he chose to take their checks."

"Shut up, Spike," Angel says, then looks at Buffy, "It's more complicated than that."

"Yeah, we got to consider the dozen Ferraris they offered him, too."

Buffy remarks, "A dozen? Well, you're certainly doing well for yourself, Angel."

"Look," says Angel, "Could we stay on track here? Gunn, this contract was a forgery, there's got to be an exception."

Gunn says, "Yeah, but first we'd have to relay it to the Senior Partners for their go-ahead."

Angel leans back in his chair and sighs, "Which means we need Eve."

Buffy asks, "Eve?"

Wesley explains, "She's our liaison to the Senior Partners. We had her removed from the building two weeks ago for attempting to put Angel in a permanent coma with a demonic parasite."

Buffy, looking at Angel with smirk, remarks, "Oh. Just another bad apple, Angel?"

He doesn't reply.

Wesley says, "I hate to ask, but what if the Senior Partners decide to do nothing? I would think it would be an advantage to have a slayer in your debt, through whatever means, and it isn't as if the federal courts are going to challenge a lawsuit over not killing a vampire."

Angel asks, "Are you thinking that the Partners just made this up?"

Gunn adds, "Nah, that doesn't sound like their style."

"Hey," Buffy interrupts, "What if I just ignore the contract? Like Wes said, the courts wouldn't touch this thing. So, what are they going to do? Fine me? Have me arrested and sent to jail?"

Gunn suggests, "Probably not, but let's just say they can be creative."

Angel says, "Nothing is going to happen to you, Buffy. I promise."

Spike states firmly, "You better hope not." The two vampires stare at each other for a long moment filled with silent threats. Spike brakes the stare and asks Gunn, "Promises aside, how long before the law firm decides to follow up on their threat?"

Gunn answers, "Considering the severity of the agreement, I'd say a day, maybe two."

"Then let's get to work," Angel says, "Gunn, contact Eve. Wes, keep trying to find out who wrote this contract."

Both men agree to their assignments and leave the office and a shifting triangle of hearts.

As much as Buffy needs to work out her issues with Spike, something demands that she be alone with Angel. For close to the thirty minutes since she's been here, she hasn't given Angel her full attention, and they have so much to discuss.

So, she looks to Spike and asks, "Spike, could you give us a moment?"

To which he replies, "What, find out I'm alive, throw me around a bit, and now you're bored with me?"

"Oh, we're not finished yet. I'm just giving you a break. Now, leave."

Reluctantly, Spike leaves the room, but not before saying, "At least give him a few bruises."

Now that they're alone, for an instant they both have this feeling that the last half hour hasn't happened and that they're seeing each other for the first time in months.

"Hey," says Angel.

"Hey."

"You look good."

"You too."

"Can I get you anything?"

"No. Angel, let's skip the small talk." Buffy rises from her seat and starts pacing. "What is all this? I mean what are you doing here? If this place is even a quarter as evil as I've heard, either you're insane or very happy."

Angel stands and join her in front of his desk, saying, "Look, I'm not evil, all right. Yes, this place was evil before, but we've turned it around."

"Oh, come on! I've been here for like thirty minutes and already I've heard about a client who killed five nuns, some demon who wants to sacrifice babies, and a coma inducing parasite. Harmony is your secretary, and, oh yeah, let's not forget this place is suing me for breaking a fake contract to kill Spike."

"Well, the part about killing Spike isn't that bad."

In a stern voice she retorts, "Stop talking like that. By now you should know better."

Not wanting to hear her defend Spike anymore, he returns to topic, "Ok, so you stop by during a rough week."

"A rough week?"

"I know it looks bad at first, but we're doing real good here. With these resources I've saved more people in six months than I did in the last four years. I can show you the statistics."

"Statistics? Angel, listen to yourself. You don't even sound like you believe it."

"Hey, you should be grateful I accepted this job, otherwise you are your friends would all be dead without that amulet."

"What?" She stops, looking up at him in a state of disbelief.

"Yeah, Wolfram & Hart gave me the amulet."

"And you knew that when you gave it to me?"

"Yes," he says with hesitation, not knowing how she'll react.

"So, you knew what it would do to whoever wore it?"

"No! Remember I offered to wear it first, but you didn't let me."

"But it was from Wolfram & Hart, how could you possibly think it was a good thing?"

"It worked, didn't it?"

"Worked? It burned Spike alive!"

"Ok, yeah, but Spike's fine now, annoying as hell, but fine."

With venom in her voice, she replies, "Well, now I know that, no thanks to either of you."

Wanting to lower the emotional tension, he calmly says, "Look, I understand why you're angry about that, but take it out on him. It was his decision."

"And I will, but you know that was no excuse for you to not tell me."

Angel takes a moment to gather himself, "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but don't you think that maybe Spike did the right thing in choosing to stay away from you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You have a new life now. You shouldn't have to…"

"What you think I should or shouldn't do became irrelevant when you walked out of my life. And besides, what do I care about what you have to say after you chose to work for Wolfram & Hart?"

Her constant accusations have worn him down. He sits back in his seat, runs his hands through his hair, and then with for a moment he almost begins to tell her everything: about Connor, about Darla, Holtz, Jasmine, Cordelia… About how he never wanted this job, but when faced with his son's ruined life and Lilah's offer to make it right, he had to accept. He wants to confess to her that this job is dissolving him inside, and that when they were fooled into believing there was an easy way to become human, Spike wanted it more. But he convinces himself that Buffy shouldn't have to be burdened with his life anymore, so he looks into her eyes, and says with all the sincerity he is capable of, "Please, trust me when I say I had good reasons for accepting."

She looks away from him in frustration.

Something in her gesture sparks anger in him, because it echoes all the memories of her saying she didn't trust him.

"What?" he demands, "Oh, or is that something you don't do any more, trust me?" She looks back at him. "That's what Andrew said as he threatened me with a gang of slayers."

"That's not what I told him. I said I don't trust this place, especially with a slayer. But now that I see how you're acting and know what you've hidden from me, he was right. I don't trust you."

For a long silent moment, they stare at the other's eyes with mutual recognition of their anger.

Angel says, "Don't presume you can judge me. You have no idea what we went through the last two years."

"You're right, I don't know what you went through, but I do know that whatever it was selling out was not the answer."

Angel returns to his feet. "I didn't sell out, and stop lecturing me on how to fight the good fight." Then, against his better judgment, Angel decides to call her out on something that he's kept to himself since he heard of her decision to activate all of the potential slayers. "Don't forget, I'm not the only one of us who scaled up their operation."

"Don't change the sub…" She stops, considering whether she heard him correctly. "Did you just… are you comparing me activating more slayers to you joining Wolfram & Hart?"

"Of course not. Anyone that joins Wolfram & Hart asks for it."

This comment, its implications, and the fact that it came from Angel stun her.

Her lips and the muscles of her neck tighten. "How dare you! I'm not forcing any girl to join if they don't want to."

"No, but you forced them into our world, and it could have just stayed in the shadows. Buffy, we fight so that others don't have to."

"You're accusing me as if I activated their powers for some selfish reason. I had no choice. And since when have you thought this? Have you just been waiting all these months to call me out on it?"

He realizes that he should not have brought it up. There was enough drama between them already. "Forget I said anything."

"You think you can say that to me, and just tell me to forget it? No, you've got something to say, then say it. I want to hear."

"Fine. You created an army for a war, I get that. But that war was over before it even started, thanks, in part, to this job. And now you're still making this army, but there's no battle to fight."

"You and I both know there's always going to be another battle."

"Sure, but sometimes the best response to the enemy isn't a bigger gun."

Surprise at such rhetoric from him, she asks, "Is this the part where you suggest I wait for the next Big Bad and try to make a deal with it?"

"You'd be surprised how much that works."

With sarcasm she suggests, "Oh, I'm sure that would have worked wonders with you when you tried to suck the world into hell."

He looks away with shame, "I didn't say there weren't exceptions."

"Or maybe not. Looking at you now, instead of killing you, I should have just offered you a thousand dollar suit and a Dodge Viper."

His voice whips back at her, "Stop insulting me! My decision had nothing to do with this stuff." He waves a hand at his office and all of its luxuries.

"Then stop insulting me by comparing me to the old Council."

"You don't think what you're doing is going to cause a backlash?"

"All I'm doing is showing these girls what they are and giving them a choice."

"Is that how you felt when you were called?"

"But they're not like me! They're not alone."

"Your right, they're not like you. Some of them are like Dana."

At the mention of Dana, Buffy's will to continue arguing stopped.

"I've had enough. This conversation is over."

Still enraged, she quickly walks out of Angel's office. As she opens the door, she is presented with the sight of Spike, Fred, and a green-skin demon in a flamboyant red suit, all within hearing distance of her argument with Angel. Fred and the green demon are in the process of making it seem as if they were just passing by, while Spike stands there lighting a cigarette showing no intention of hiding the fact that he heard everything.

After exhaling his first puff, Spike says, "Looks like you need a drink."

"You buying?" she asks.

He nods and points up, "The mini-bar's up a floor."

"Lead the way."

After they watch Buffy and Spike ascend the stairs, Fred says to Lorne, "Well, Cordy warned us about this…" She stops as she sees Lorne dabbing an eye with a handkerchief. "Are you crying?"

"Sorry, Freddels," says Lorne as he dabs the other eye, "It's just, sometimes when couples argue it can be like singing in rough sketch."

"Oh, was it bad?"

"Well, I didn't feel the full dose, but I felt some vibes, and, wow!"

"What was it?"

"Hurt, Fred, a whole lot of hurt. I knew she was his ex, so obviously they'd have some baggage, but I never knew- I never knew he felt like…"

Fred interrupts him by saying, "Hi, Angel."

Lorne turns and sees the vampire standing in the doorway of his office.

With a blank face, Angel says, "Let me guess, you guys heard everything."

Lorne replies, "Well it's kinda hard not to eavesdrop on the show after all the hype about this little Slayer over the years."

To that, Angel just slams his door shut.


	4. Chapter 4

After Spike threatened two flirting yuppies to leave the room, he and Buffy are standing up against the bar, each downing their second shot.

Spike then steps away from the bar, and while rolling his neck for two cracks he says, "Right, luv. Round three. First, ground rules. Number one, no damage to the booze, so watch where you toss me. Number two, I know you're a woman scorned, but my bollocks are off limits." He takes a fighting stance, but she doesn't move. "Well? Come on, then."

Her talk with Angel drained her emotionally, so Buffy waits for her throat to stop burning and says, "I'm done hitting you, Spike. Your 'bollocks' can rest assured. Ew!"

He loosens his stance. "So, that's it, eh? Fun's over now that I'm ready for you? "

"You sound like you're disappointed?"

He leans back against the bar, looks at her with a smirk and says, "Well, maybe I miss the way you beat me."

She rolls her eyes. "Sick, sick little man."

"All's forgiven, then?"

"No."

A long silence passes.

Then she says, "I want to talk, about you. So, here's my ground rule. I don't want to hear about my fight with Angel. Got it?"

He nods.

"Good. Now, how are you back?"

"Not sure myself. One moment I'm burning to the bone, and the next I'm popping out of that amulet into the lobby downstairs. Meanwhile, three months had gone by."

"How did the amulet get here? I thought it was destroyed when you destroyed the Hellmouth."

"Somebody mailed it to Angel."

"Who?"

"Don't know. Anyway, so I come back, right, but I'm bloody ghost. Or 'incorporeal', if you want to be technical. Couldn't touch a damn thing," he pours another shot and drinks it, savoring the very ability to feel. "And if that wasn't enough, I couldn't leave this building. Second I passed the threshold I got zapped right back in. Dog on a leash, I was."

"How does a ghost get electrocuted?"

"No, teleported. All over this place, too, not just when I tried to leave. Randomly, like a witch with a glitch. Went on like that for two months, walking through walls, disappearing for no reason, and doing my best to haunt the hell out of the brooding forehead downstairs."

"So, what happened? Your face seemed nice and corporeal when I punched it."

"'Bout a month ago, another package from anonymous. Harmony opened it, I felt a little tickle and then walked straight into a wall."

She takes a moment to think of Spike as a ghost for months, and due to her anger at Angel, she adores the idea of Spike haunting him. Imagining it makes her smile, but then she says, "Oh. So, your excuse for not telling me was you couldn't pick up a phone, and then when you could, what, did you just forget about me?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"I wanted to at first. My first thought, go find Buffy. But I got to thinking."

"Never a good thing with you. You're a simple guy, stick with your gut. First thought, go find Buffy, great idea."

"It wasn't like I planned on never telling you."

"Well, news like that doesn't exactly age well. Speaking of which." Buffy reaches for a bottle of wine and a suitable glass.

As Buffy starts to pour her drink, Spike says, "I didn't want you to see me like that, some kind of impotent ghost. Wanted you to remember me like I was in the end, sacrificial hero and all that."

"I've been a sacrificial hero. Would you want that to be your last memory of me?"

"No." He's struck by the memory of her body on ground, motionless, silent… "But that was different."

"How? The part where you saved the world or the part where you left those who cared about you grieving?"

After a moment, he confesses, "It was the best thing I've ever done with my life."

The pity of that hurts her. "Spike, don't say that."

"What's the runner-up, then?" He waits for her to suggest something, and when she doesn't he continues, "I've lived a hundred and thirty years, luv. Let that sink in. I've lived your years nearly six times over, and in that time I've done exactly one thing that was pure, unselfish, meaningful, good. And now I'm back and I don't know what to do with myself. It felt so final. The First Evil, an army of Uber-vamps, and me bursting into a column of fire closing the Hellmouth forever. Perfect ending. How do you follow that?

"Well, you can always grab the amulet and go close the other one."

"Other one?"

"There's another Hellmouth in Cleveland."

"Bloody hell! Now, I have to say I destroyed _a_ Hellmouth, not _the_ Hellmouth. Rain on my glory, that is. You know, if there's one thing about being a white hat I can't stand, it's the endlessness of it. It's never just one apocalypse, or one Hellmouth, or even one death. No, they gotta drag you back in."

"Tell me about it. That deserves another shot."

"Right you are."

They pour, raise their glasses, and Spike says, "May the drinks end only after the last Big Bad is dead." They drink.

As she makes retching faces, Buffy asks with a hint of ridicule, "So, did you joined Wolfram & Hart to find yourself?"

"Hell no! I never signed any contract. What, are you crazy? This place is evil. No, if I help out it's purely under the table. And just to let them know whose side I'm on, I wreck their cars and steal their booze."

"But, you really don't know what you want to do with your life?"

"Oh, I know what I want to do, just don't know what I should do."

"What do you want?"

"You know what I want." He looks her in the eyes intently.

"Spike…," she looks at the ground.

"You asked."

"Look, I'm not going to lie and say you're not in my heart."

"But you're not in love with me. I know. We've been over this before, remember?"

"Yes. I said I love you."

"And I said no, you didn't, but thanks for saying it. You didn't correct me."

"There wasn't exactly time to argue with you."

"Plenty of time now, and no reason for pitiful sentiments right before a man's death. Just the truth." He walks close, placing his face an inch away from hers. "Do you love me?"

Her stare never leaves his, but she can't answer him.

"And that's why I didn't tell you I was alive. Because I was afraid you'd come and I wouldn't be able to stay away from you." He steps away and leans against the bar, looking at his cup.

"There's a difference between saying no and not answering."

"Is it a difference that makes any difference?"

"I don't know. Truth is I don't know how I feel, because I don't even know who I am yet. I'm only twenty-four, and for the first time since I was sixteen I'm not chained to a one-girl-in-all-the-world destiny. I need some time, years probably, to find out who I am before I can answer you."

"Well, both little soul searchers, aren't we?"

Buffy pours another round, and at the raise of the glass she says, "Here's to soul searching."

"To soul searching."

They clink glasses and drink.

He looks at her face as the liquor burns, he looks at her with love and rekindled hope. But that moment is darkened when he realizes that if Angel had asked her if she loved him, a "yes" would have overcome her silent search for her true self.


	5. Chapter 5

Angel sits at his desk, his mind flooded with regret and Buffy, when he is alarmed by Eve entering his office.

"You called?" she asks with a smirk.

Skipping any etiquette, Angel says, "Eve, sit down."

She walks to one of the empty chairs and sits. "Nice to see you, too. It's been two weeks. Oh, and by the way, about your attempt to restrict me from the premises, don't imagine that it had any effect. I just used it as an excuse for a vacation, which I guess I should thank you for, by the way."

"I hope you burned yourself tanning." He hands Buffy's contract to Eve, and adds, "I called you because of this."

"What is it?"

"It's a contract between Wolfram & Hart and Buffy Summers to kill Spike."

"Wait, Buffy Summers? You mean the current vampire slayer?"

"Yes, you heard of her?"

"It's very difficult in our business to not know about the vampire slayer, especially this one. And if I'm not mistaken, you and her had a little romance, didn't you?"

"None of your business."

"Don't tell me what my business is." She looks at the contract and adds, "Wow. I must confess, I envy whoever got her to make the deal, 'cause they're in for some promotion."

"That's just it. Her signature is forged, and the lawyer that made the deal doesn't exist."

With a confused smile, Eve replies, "That's impossible."

"No, we've checked. Buffy's here and she denies signing anything, and the name of the lawyer who wrote it, Daniel Devsyne, isn't in our files, not for this branch or any other."

"This has to be a mistake."

"Exactly. Now, since this apparently goes over my head, I need you to get the Senior Partners to cancel it."

"No, I mean you've made a mistake. Your assistant must be a terrible speller, and as for the slayer, well, she's lying."

"While I'd never bet on Harmony winning a spelling bee, and I love the idea of Buffy agreeing to kill Spike, there's no mistake."

"No, you don't understand. A Wolfram & Hart contract doesn't just involve some ink and paper. Each contract is infused with tremendously powerful magic that binds the parties involved. To invoke that kind of magic you need to be a certified employee on record, and the signature must be authentic and freely given. This can't be faked."

"So, did the Senior Partners just conjure up the contract themselves?"

"Angel, the Partners may be evil, but they do care about their reputation. If word got out that they fabricated a contract, it would damage their credibility. The slayer isn't worth that much, and neither is Spike, for that matter. You did have your friend Mr. Gunn make sure this contract was actually filed and not just some prank, right?"

"Yes, and it's no prank. Now, stop arguing and tell me what you're going to do about it?"

"Me? I'm not going to make a fool of myself and bring a clearly mistaken complaint to the Senior Partners."

Becoming more aggravated, Angel asks, "Look, this magic, is there any way it can be mimicked by someone outside of Wolfram & Hart?"

"Possibly, but the amount of skill and power needed to slip it into our system undetected is astronomical. Only someone on the level with the Partners themselves could do it."

"Well, if you know anything about Buffy, it's that she has powerful enemies. And if that's what's happened, what would the Partners think if they later found out you never told them about it?"

Seeming convinced but worried, Eve relents. "Fine, I'll contact them. But I need a day."

"Why?"

"Talking to the Senior Partners isn't like talking to you. I can't just barge into their office and say 'Hey guys, your system is hacked. Have a nice day'. No, news like this has to be delivered with careful protocol."

Amused, Angel slants his eyes slightly and says, "You're just trying to save your ass. Distance yourself away from this as much a possible."

"You're right, I am. You want me to get them involved, fine, but we do it my way or we don't do it. It's not like you have another liaison."

Angel takes a moment to think, looks at her and then says, "Get out and do your job."

Eve stands, gives him a forced smile, and then walks to the door. As she places her palm on the door handle, she hear his voice from across the room call, "Oh, and Eve."

"What?"

She turns and Angel is right in front of her, his face demonic. Before she can cry, his hand closes her throat from breathing and slams the back of her head against the door with just the measured pain to cause her eyes to daze and dampened. With his yellow eyes inches away from hers, Angel begins his threat, "You get to breathe when I'm done talking, so listen carefully. You might think I'm easy on my enemies, seeing as how I let you in here after you tried to put me in a coma, but let me make this clear." His grip tighten with the intention to bruise. "If anything bad happens to Buffy over this, I will burn this place to the ground. And if I find you're playing me right now, I will lock you in here when I do it."

There is a look in her eyes which the murderer in him remembers from countless nights, a virgin fear that tells him she has never been this scared before. He loosens his grip and steps back. Her freed breaths are racked with coughing, tears flood the corners of her lids, and she almost slides to the floor because her legs are shaking.

With a face now human but blank, he says, "Have a nice day, Eve," and walks away.

She is out of the room within a second.

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Later, Eve enters her apartment and slams shut the symbol covered door.

"Lindsey!" she calls in a raw voice.

Lindsey enters the room, drying his hair with a towel, and says, "Hey babe. How'd it go?"

"Fine, until that bastard went for my throat." She raises her chin, revealing red marks left by Angel's fingers. He walks over to her, gently touching her neck. She continues, "I thought I led him on to think that it might be someone from the slayer's past powerful enough to sneak the contract through, but then he grabbed me and threatened to burn the place down with me in it if anything happened to her."

"Does he suspect me?"

Appalled that that was his first thought, "Lindsey, could we forget about you for one second. You didn't just have your wind pipe nearly crushed."

"Eve, you wouldn't be standing here if he really considered you a threat, unless he knows about us. Now, does he suspect me?"

"I don't think so. He thinks I'm in the process of asking the Partners to cancel the contract."

"Then don't worry," Lindsey caresses her cheek, "he's just being cautious. Remember, he's sure you had something to do about the parasite. I'd threatened you too if I were him, just in case. Besides, this is good. It means he's on edge, not thinking clearly." He notices that she still worried and asks, "Are you scared?"

"A little. Lindsey, you weren't there. I've never seen him like that."

"But I have. He tends to get defensive when you mess with his ex-girlfriends. Look, babe, you did great, and now that act one is over, all you have to do is go back tomorrow and set act two in motion, and then you can just sit back and watch the show."

"Promise?"

"Promise. Now kiss me."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: Some of you readers may have noticed that this story's prose has so far been mostly dialogue and very terse present tense narration. I've purposely clipped my prose knowing that I can easily get lost in poetics, lose focus on the the plot, and get stuck, as I did the last time I tried to write a long story. But I worry that this may read like a plain script. If this is bothering enough readers, please let me know and I will try to embellish a little more. Thank you.**

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Angel enters the lobby and is called for by Wesley.

Wesley says, "Angel, I've asked the mystics at security, and they…"

Angel interrupts, "Let me guess, this is impossible, the power needed to hack our system undetected from the outside would require someone on a level with the Partners themselves."

"Well, you're up to date."

"I just talked to Eve. She gave me the same intel and said that by tomorrow she'll have the Partner's response."

"Do you trust her?"

"Not remotely, but we're in the dark here. If there really is some power behind this, maybe of the Sunnydale variety, we're going to need her channels."

"I suppose. One of the things I don't understand here is what the strategy behind this is. Obviously, it can't be to kill Spike. There are much easier ways to assassinate a vampire. And if the focus here is Buffy, why use such an indirect and, as we're finding out, difficult plan?"

"It doesn't make sense to me either."

At that they hear Buffy and Spike's voices at the top of the stairs laughing.

Between laughs, Spike says, "… and then… and then you all started dancing in sync… ha ha!"

Angel and Wesley look up and see Lorne walking down the stairs between Buffy and Spike.

Lorne calls down with a smile, "Guys, so I come across these two at the bar, I properly introduce myself to the huntress of the night here, we all get to talking, and soon they start reminiscing about when their whole town was put under a spell that made everyone sing and dance. Now I ask you, is this a just world when, unbeknownst to me, a town is imperiled by such a marvelous calamity, and I'm only a two drive hour away?"

Buffy says, "It's probably for the best that it was unbeknownst. Being bombarded by everyone's thoughts and emotions can drive you crazy. Trust me, I know from experience."

"Well, I still consider it a miss opportunity," Lorne then looks to Angel, "Oh, and Angelcakes, whenever you're free, I've got some business we need to discuss."

As Buffy chuckles at Lorne's nickname, Angel notices a strange seriousness in Lorne's eyes and says, "Sure, Lorne," and then after he smells alcohol asks Buffy, "Are you drunk?"

Buffy says, "I'm a little buzzed. So what? Oh, have I incurred your disapproval yet again?"

"No, but what happened to beating the crap out of Spike. I liked that plan."

Spike asks, "What's the problem, Peaches? Can't a girl have a drink with a mate come back to life?"

"Oh, I see, so when I came back from Hell, you knocked me out and chained me to a wall. But with Spike, you take shots."

"Hey," says Buffy, "Remember you were all feral and attacked me."

Spike says, "If you're still angry, I'm all for chains, luv."

Wesley interrupts, "As much as we'd all like hear about this, Angel don't you have news for them?"

Angel says, "Right, I talked to Eve..."

Spike comments, "What, without us? Wanted her all to yourself, did ya?"

"Spike." Angel leaves the threat unspoken.

"Hey, I understand. The werewolf won't put out, so you call up a one night stand."

"Enough!"

Confused, Buffy asks, "Werewolf? Wait, you had sex with the woman who gave you that demonic parasite?" then after a pause, "That wasn't how she gave it to you, was it?"

"What? No, yes, I mean yes we had sex, but that was months before the parasite. And it's not what you think, Lorne told us to."

"What?"

Lorne answers, "He's right. That's my bad. My powers went on the fritz after I stopped sleeping for weeks, and everyone started doing whatever I told them to, accidentally or not. I told them to get a room and they went at it."

Buffy feels pangs of jealousy, but to hide it she says, "Oh, well that's weird. But, hey, I guess you're lucky he didn't tell you to do it with Spike."

Spike says, "I know Angel is used to the look-but-don't-touch sex life, but with me as a ghost that would have been strange even for him."

Angel says, "Could we please stop talking about my sex life, and get back on topic?"

Spike and Buffy compose themselves.

Angel continues, "Right, now Eve said she'll have the Senior Partner's response by tomorrow. She also said that for someone to hack our system from the outside undetected they'd have to have access to very, very powerful magic."

Buffy says, "So, this isn't a demon with a gift card to a magic shop then?"

"No, this is bigger than that. Make any powerful enemies while you've been building that army?"

"Oh, that again! So you're saying this is my fault?"

"I didn't say that."

"Well, you implied it."

"All I'm suggesting is that maybe you've made a new enemy."

"Or maybe the blame is on you for joining an evil law firm. I've never had to deal with this place until you decided to wear their suits."

"Stop attacking me on the suits. I deal with a lot of important people, I have to have a certain appearance."

Before Buffy can reply, the argument is interrupted by a strange deep voice that says, "Miss Summers."

"What?" she asks annoyed as she and everyone else turns to the source of the voice. Previously unnoticed before because in their periphery his attire blended with every other lawyer, there stood a six and a half foot bald man whose muscular physique was evident even underneath his business suit.

The man begins, "Good afternoon, Miss Summers. I didn't expect you to be so easy to find. Usually, people don't stay here after they've broken their contract. Oh, forgive me, my name is John Chapman and I am with Wolfram & Hart. I'm here due to the violation of your contract with the firm. If you would please follow me, there's a car waiting for us outside."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Miss Summers, my orders are to take you into custody through whatever means. Please don't make this violent."

Angel steps in between them and says to Chapman, "Take another step and you're fired."

"Ah, Mr. Angel, isn't it? Pleasure to meet you. As I've been sent by the New York branch to avoid any complications, you don't have any authority over me. So, if you would please step aside."

Spike adds his stance in between and says, "How's this then? Take another step and you're dead."

Chapman adjusts his cufflinks and comments, "I take it violence is inevitable?"

Angel and Spike's faces become ridged, fanged, and yellow-eyed.

"Right then."

Spike charges first, attempting a punch that is blocked and then he is hit in the ribs with far more force than even Chapman's figure would suggest possible. Bending over in a reflex of pain, Spike is then kicked, the force sending him several feet away.

Everyone looks on in total surprise.

Chapman says, "You didn't think they'd send a human to capture a slayer, did you?"

Angel approaches more carefully, waiting for Chapman to strike first. When that happens, Angel barely blocks his attack, it comes so quickly, and then in turn throws a punch which hits Chapman's face. The two of them exchange several hits, with Chapman gaining the upper hand, while Spike rejoins the fight. Even though he is then outnumbered by the two vampires, Chapman holds his own until Spike kicks him in the back of the knee, causing the man to kneel. Attempting to capitalize the opportunity, Angel attacks, but can't avoid having his legs swept from under him. The instant Angel lands on the floor, Chapman grabs hold of both the vampire's left arm and leg, and then with immense power stands, turns, and flings him at Spike.

Horizontal, Angel's back strikes Spike's chest with enough energy to send both vampire's smashing through the nearest office desk. Angel and Spike momentarily lay stunned on the wooden debris.

Chapman turns to Buffy, who says mockingly, "Oh, you look like you need a minute. Do you want me to wait for you to catch your breath?"

Chapman gives a chuckle, "I was told you have quite the tongue."

"And I've never been told anything about you. Not going to remember you much either."

"My orders said nothing about not ripping that tongue out."

"Ooh, I got you to quit the polite talk. Yay, one point for me."

"Shut up and fight, bitch."

"See, I'm already winning."

Chapman charges, but Buffy blocks or dodges all of his attacks, and then delivers a kick to his face which rattles the man sideways. As he faces front, he places a finger to a lip and finds that he is bleeding. Angered, he charges again.

Angel and Spike stand up and they look on as Buffy fights Chapman. The large man never manages to land a decisive blow on the slayer, only quick and minor ones which she rapidly recovers from and returns with doubled force. The exchange wears the man down. With nostalgic appreciation, both vampires say in unintended unison, "I miss this," and then awkwardly stare at each other and step away.

Chapman finally manages to hit Buffy, and hit hard. Then he hits her again and again and again. Down, she swipes Chapman's feet out from under him and then kicks him in the head after he lands. Given some time, Buffy turns to her ex-lovers and says, "Hey guys, I love how you're being all modern and letting the damsel deal with her own distress, but a little chivalry would be great right now."

Shamefully shaking themselves out of their reverie, both vampires join the slayer, and all three of them encircle Chapman who has just returned to his feet.

Buffy says, "Give up. You can't take on all three of us."

Chapman smiles, and his eyes turn ink black. With a suicidal adrenalin rush, the man, or demon, becomes berserk and fights the circle of attackers with even greater power than before. Nothing seems to harm him as they hit him again and again, and he returns theirs blows with staggering strength, particularly targeting the slayer. In order to escape being surrounded, Chapman punches Angel in the chest with enough force to collapse a human ribcage, sending him flying several yards away. Ignoring an attack from the other vampire, Chapman turns to the slayer and kicks her in the knee. As she falls kneeling, he punches her in the face and she rolls to the floor. Wanting to protect Buffy, Spike throws himself between the demon and the slayer, only to be pummeled to the side.

Looking down at Buffy, Chapman raises his foot preparing to stomp her, when someone jumps on his back and wraps an arm around his throat. He staggers away, struggling with his new enemy. Buffy, Spike, and Angel look on in amazement as they see Harmony riding this spinning giant, who is desperately grabbing at her. He clutches her blonde hair and he starts roughly pulling at it. Then suddenly he stops spinning, loosens his grip, falls to his knees, and then to the floor. A ball point pen is embedded in one bleeding black eye, deep enough to stab the brain.

Harmony stands and tries to rearrange her disheveled tresses. "The bastard pulled my hair," she complains.

The battered trio gather near her, limping, holding ribs and shoulders. The vampires' faces return to their human form.

Spike says, "Harmony, I'd hug you right now if it wouldn't hurt so much."

Harmony tenderly says, "Oh, Blondie Bear, come here. I'll be gentle." She opens her arms and embraces him.

Angel says, "And you're getting a raise."

"Really? Yay!" she squeals tightening her hold in excitement, and Spike yells, "Ow! Harm, off!"

"Oh, sorry," Harmony says as she releases him, then turns to Angel and asks, "Can I take the week off?"

"Don't push it," is his response.

Harmony then looks to Buffy expectantly.

Buffy can only manage to say, "I, uh, I promise not to kill you- for now. And, um, thanks"

Harmony takes a moment, as if wondering whether to except a proposal, and says with a smile, "Cool."

Buffy then says to Angel and Spike, "What the hell happened? One minute, I'm handling him, the next he's all black-eyed berserker and nothing fazes him."

Angel replies, "I don't know. Harmony, call security. He said there was car waiting outside. I want the driver caught and questioned."

Harmony agrees and goes to her office desk.

Angel continues, "Wesely… where's Wesley? Lorne?"

They look around, and find Wesley entering the lobby loading a shot gun, with Lorne far behind dropping bullets as he tries to load a pistol. They both stop when they notice no one is fighting.

"Oh," says Wesley as he sees Chapman on the floor, "You killed him."

Spike says, "Not us. Harmony lobotomized him with a pen."

"Harmony?" Lorne asks in amazement. "Wow. You go girl."

Wesley comments, "I must find a closer place to hide my guns."

Angel says, "Wesley, this guy isn't human. I need you to find out what kind of demon he is. I want to be prepared if there's more."

Wesley looks down at the demon and says, "Well, that might be difficult, considering he's disappearing."

They all look down at the body which they see is now transparent and is quickly fading away.

After the body is gone, Spike says, "Great. How much you want to bet the driver outside is gone too?"

"Damn it," says Angel

Buffy adds, "Well, at least your janitor will be happy." She continues, "So, we were wondering how Wolfram & Hart would react to me violating the contract. Now we know, they're going to send Hulks in suits. But, hey, I guess I called this on myself, right Angel?"

"You've got to be kidding me? All I asked is if you have any new powerful enemies. Not exactly rare for you."

"Yeah, and it's not rare for you to be that new enemy either."

"There you go again, calling me evil."

As Buffy and Angel bicker, Spike groans as he leans on a desk, then lights a cigarette and moves his head back and forth following the verbal battle with relish.

About a minute later, Fred quietly enters the lobby, her eyes red and puffy. Wesley and Lorne notice. Wesley walks up to her, asking, "Fred, what's the matter?"

She tells them and their faces age with sadness, but Angel doesn't hear. With painful shyness, Fred steps closer to the vampire while he continues to argue with the slayer, oblivious to anyone else.

"Angel" she calls, to no effect.

Louder, "Angel!"

Annoyed, Angel turns around and asks, "What?" He then notices her sadness. He asks, this time with care and regret, "Fred, what is it? What's wrong?"

She says, "It's Cordy."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: I've just realized that in the last chapter I made a reference to "Smile Time" by having Spike comment that Angel and Nina's relationship had just started. Because this story is a replacement of "You're Welcome" which happens before "Smile Time", that's a slight breach of canon, but I won't fix it because references to Angel as a puppet are too good to waste. So, just to recap, in my story the events of "Smile Time" have already happened. **

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The last hour of sunlight filters through the necro-tempered windows of a hospital room where Cordelia still lies in a comatose state, but now breathing tubes tunnel in her nose, and she is surrounded by hissing machines. Angel, Fred, Wesley, Gunn, and Lorne stand around the hospital bed, looking down at their silent friend as they listen to the doctor.

"All of a sudden her oxygen levels dropped drastically. Her lungs stopped functioning. If we hadn't been alerted, she would have been dead within minutes. Now, we have the machine breathing for her until her lungs start working on their own, but the chances of that happening are extremely unlikely."

Angel demands with a small spark of rage in the impotent sadness, "Who did this? Did security notice anyone come in here?"

"Mr. Angel, I'm sorry to say that this was completely natural."

"What do you know? I want the security cameras checked, and anyone that entered…"

"Angel, stop it," says Fred.

Angel stops and looks down, the spark of rage drowned, and after a pause says, "I'm sorry."

The doctor continues, "Look, I understand this is difficult to take. But you must understand that it was only a matter of time if she didn't wake up soon that something like this would happen." The doctor takes a deep breath. "Now, this is the part of my job I hate. Know that we can keep her alive indefinitely, but soon the question becomes whether or not that is what she would want."

Gunn asks, "You're asking us if we want to pull the plug and kill her?"

"Think of it more like letting her go naturally. Or we could wait if she wakes up. I'm not going to lie and say miracles like that don't happen, but, if I'm going to be fair to you all, I have to say that it probably won't."

The friends all exchange glances, and they are silent because no one wants to respond.

The doctor goes on, "You don't have to make a decision immediately, or even soon, but know that as time goes on you're probably just delaying the inevitable."

Wesley then asks the doctor, "Wouldn't that be her family's decision?"

"Under normal circumstances, yes, but you see… well, I'm sure Mr. Gunn could fill you in on the legal details."

Everyone looks to Gunn who just silently nods.

Angel says, "Besides, we are her family."

Again all eyes look to Cordelia lying in sunlight.

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In the waiting room, Buffy and Spike sit next to each other. After a long silence, Spike says, "Well, this is a buzz kill."

Buffy says with a smirk, "Like your buzz wasn't killed already when you and Angel smashed through that desk."

"Nah. A little pain and adrenalin never dampens my fun."

An awkward silence follows, ending when Spike says, "I don't belong here. Last time I saw this girl I tried to kill her."

"Well, Cordelia and I have never been the best of friends either."

"Help me remember, wasn't she Xander's girl before Anya?"

"Yeah, but that was over before Cordelia left." Remembering Xander causes her to add, "Oh god, I have to call and tell him. He and Willow would want to know, they've known each other since kindergarten."

"How come you all didn't know before, about the coma, I mean. Ain't she one of the vintage Scoobies? Never kept in touch?"

"Angel and I haven't talk much the last four years, and when we did, obituaries and all the rest were put on the back burner."

He smiles and says derisively, "I wasn't talking about you and Angel, pet, I was talking about the old gang and Cordelia."

At that she understands that there was something wrong in her response.

"Oh, sorry."

"Bloody hell, you've got on horse blinders when it comes to him, don't you?"

"Spike, I am not in the mood to listen to you talk about me and Angel."

"Fine." Spike gets to his feet and says, "I'm going back to the bar to get my buzz back. When you're done here, meet up with me and we'll go to my place for the night."

"Your place?"

"You heard the tank in the suit, you can't stay here 'cause you'd be too easy to find. And I'm not leaving you alone if there might be more like him tracking you."

Before she can argue, he leaves the room, but not before saying, "It's not a debate, Slayer."

Alone, Buffy admits to herself that Spike is right that she should not stay here for the night, and that since she does not have much money, it would be best to sleep at his place.

Five minutes later, all but Angel exit Cordelia's room. Wesley walks to Buffy and says, "You can go in now."

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Buffy silently peaks her head into Cordelia's room. From her partial view she can see the double tent of feet under hospital sheets and evening sunlight illuminating everything. But she doesn't see Angel.

"Angel?" she calls out quietly.

"Come in," he replies unseen. She assumes he is in a shadowed corner. Buffy fully enters the room and is then flooded by the sight of Angel bathed in golden-red sunset. He is sitting in a chair pulled close to the bed, and is holding one of Cordelia's hands with both of his, almost as if in prayer.

In terror, Buffy cries "No, Angel!"

"What's wrong?" he turns and asks.

Relieved, but confused, she replies, "Why, why aren't you on fire?"

Understanding, he gestures towards the window and says, "Necro-tempered glass. One of the perks."

"Oh," she says, looking at him in amazement.

After a few moments he notices and says, "You're staring."

Still gazing, she says, "Sorry, it's just, I've never seen you in direct daylight for more than half a second, and even then you rushed away and were all red and smelled like singed hair."

He realizes how special seeing him like this is for her and weakly smiles. He reaches and pulls another nearby chair next to his. "Sit with me," he says.

She does, and her gaze unwillingly leaves his sunlit face to the woman on the bed. The contrast between the high school girl she knew and this unconscious patient hurt the heart. Gone was the young beauty queen with the southern Californian tan. What lay in her stead was a flat, pale body, with tubes invading orifices seen and unseen. On the underside of one arm, Buffy could just see the hued edge of a bed sore, no doubt one of many. It was a body which had human vitality evacuated from it while leaving the cellular functioning.

"How did this happen?" she asks.

Realizing that due to Wolfram & Hart's altered history without Connor the story is much simpler, he says, "A demon from another dimension named Jasmine possessed Cordy so that it could be born into this world. The birth put Cordy in a coma."

"What happened with the demon Jasmine?"

"It tried to bring about world peace, so we killed her."

"Oh. Well that's different." She pauses. "Explain to me again why you're not evil."

Hastily trying to defend himself, he says, "Hey, she was going to bring world peace at the price of destroying free will. Anyone who looked at her turned into a slave. Plus, she ate people and...," he points to the bed,"... put Cordy in a coma."

"Fine. You're not evil. It just seems like an odd coincidence that one day you're preventing world peace, and the next you're a CEO for Wolfram & Hart."

"Ok, yes, that's why they offered me the job, but it's more complicated…," he stops, "Could we talk about this some other time?"

"Sure," she relents, "That's not important right now."

Angel returns his attention to Cordelia, and almost a minute of silence lingers. During these moments, Buffy notice the concern on Angel's face, more concern then she would have expected.

Then Angel asks, "Did you ever wonder why this ditzy cheerleader kept helping you when she could have just stayed away?"

Buffy answers, "I did wonder. I'm still not sure why."

"So did I. Now I know."

"Why?"

"Underneath it all, she had the heart of a hero."

Buffy is shocked by the answer. Yes, during those three years sometimes Cordelia had revealed a hidden heart that frequently surprised her, but heroism is not how she would have described it. And then she remembers herself before she was the slayer.

"Well, I was a ditzy cheerleader too once. Maybe there's a connection."

"Maybe," he agrees with a quick laugh. "I wish you could have seen her, seen how much she changed."

She can see pride in his eyes. "Tell me."

He pauses for a moment and then says, "Ok, honestly, she was still as blunt and tactless as ever."

At that they both laugh.

"Good," says Buffy, "I hope that never goes away."

He does not comment that it probably has gone away and will never return.

Angel continues, "And she was still vain and superficial at times, but..."

He is silenced by memories of Cordelia holding an infant Connor by the window in the early morning.

"But what?" asks Buffy with a smile, but something of his face lost in memory and light makes her a little jealous.

"Loving."

After that word she wants to ask a deeper question but she won't let herself.

He goes on, "And brave. Her visions hurt her so much…"

"Visions?" she asks, "I thought that small Irish guy was the one with the visions."

"Doyle. He was, but he died about a week after you met him."

"I'm sorry." She realizes that she doesn't know how many people he has lost these past five years, nor does he know about Tara or Anya.

"Before he died he gave Cordelia his visions that told me who needed help, and they caused her to have these random seizures that made her feel the victim's pain."

"Oh god."

"She went through so much pain, over and over again, but she endured it all- to help me help others."

Buffy can see he feels responsible for that pain.

He adds, "And believe or not, in her own way, she was wise."

"Are we still talking about Cordelia?"

Another small laugh. "I know, but... Buffy, when I left Sunnydale I was lost, but she got me on track. That detective agency was her idea. And when things got really dark, she was there and helped me pull through."

Buffy finds it difficult to match the Cordelia she knew with the Cordelia Angel is telling her about.

"I don't know what to say. I never knew she could be like that."

"She was- and more." He looks at Buffy, and says, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. You and the others should have been…" He stops, but then asks, his voice trembling slightly with shame, "I don't even know if… Willow, Xander, did they make it? I just assumed..."

"They're alive. Willow's fine, and Xander is missing an eye, but he's ok."

"And Giles?"

"Surrounded by even more teenage girls than when he was a high school librarian."

"Dawn?"

"College. Majoring in being indecisive with a minor in accumulating debt."

"That's good, I mean, not the debt, but that they're all alive." He looks down and nods to express relief, but also expressing guilt that he had not asked about them before.

"Hey, it's ok, well not ok, but I get it. When we meet it's like a spot light. Everyone else just fades in the background."

"Yeah."

He looks back up her and asks, "How did you do it? Keep them alive: Willow, Xander, Giles, Dawn. They were with you at the beginning, and yet you've kept them safe all this time." And he silently adds to himself that he could not save those who were with him at the beginning.

She understands what he left unsaid and replies, "I don't know how, but I have lost some good people since you left."

"Who?"

"You wouldn't know them."

"Tell me anyway."

She can see in his eyes that he truly wants to know.

"Their names were Anya and Tara. Anya was Xander's fian... well ex-fiance. It was complicated, but he really loved her. She died during the fight with the First. Tara was Willow's girlfriend." She waits to see if it is news to him that Willow is a lesbian, and when he shows no surprise she goes on, "She was killed by a bullet that was meant for me. And now every once in a while I see Willow or Xander and I hate myself a little 'cause I didn't save the people they love." She notes the cruelty of fate that Jenny, Tara, Anya, and Angel died, but only he came back. And now, so has Spike.

He does not say anything, and she appreciates his silence. Neither of them want to hear platitudes about what wasn't their fault.

Buffy continues, "And as for keeping all of the original gang alive, remember I lost you." Before finishing that sentence she takes hold of one of his hands.

"I was more like back-up than part of the gang."

"I thought of you more like our secret weapon."

They both smile faintly and then they are in that spotlight, the world fades away. Something about this moment drives them, maybe that this is the first time they have smiled and laughed together in sunlight, that she can remember, or maybe it is that they need comfort in their grief for those they did not save, or maybe something else. Whatever it is, it soon does not matter the instant their lips touch. The kiss is so tender at first, but as always they desire more and the kiss becomes painful with passion.

They pull apart.

"Sorry," he says.

"I, I shouldn't have done that. Aren't you dating a werewolf?"

"Wh... oh, Nina. We've just had breakfast."

"Breakfast? And there wasn't, like, any nakedness before that breakfast, right?"

"Well, I did see her naked."

"Oh no."

"Because I'm the one that lets her out of her cage every month… and it's not a bondage fetish. Buffy, we've just had breakfast, that's it. Besides, we couldn't do anything, I was made of felt."

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm sure you'll hear all about it from Spike."

She tries to calm herself. "Ok then, I guess this isn't so bad. Oh, what I'm I saying, this is always bad. _We_ are bad."

"Well, I didn't think the last time we kissed was bad."

"But that was different. I was fighting for my life, you came out of nowhere, all knight-and-shining-armor-y, irresistible…"

"Oh, thank you."

"But this isn't the time or the place. Cordelia's in a coma three feet away. Hell, I'm still really angry at you, and…"

"And you're still cookie dough?"

Recalling that is her phrase, she says, "Me and my genius for metaphors."

"I thought it was cute. So, are you?"

"I don't even think the oven is pre-heated yet."

He sighs and sits back in his chair. "Well, you did says it'd probably take years." He decides to risk something and says, "Though, I do like cookie dough, especially with ice cream and fudge."

She shows no signs of recognition, and that crushes him silently.

Then she says, "Angel, now that I'm not in the craze of an apocalypse, I have to ask, myself as much as you, what were we thinking that night? Nothing's changed. The reasons you left are still there. So, why did we both hurt ourselves that night with hopes about the future?"

"I've been trying to figure that out, too. I don't know."

He is tempted to tell her about the sanshu prophecy, but he would be lying to her if he said he believed it, so he doesn't.

A passing pause. The concentrated sight of Cordelia dims the spotlight and the world returns.

Buffy chuckles and then says, "We did it again."

"What?"

"Got lost in our drama."

"Yeah."

Angel is confused with guilt that this happened in front of Cordelia, and that for those few moments she was not even there.

Buffy says, "I should get going. I'm going to hide out at Spike's tonight seeing as how I'm in plain sight here for anyone in Wolfram & Hart."

He does not want to annoy her with his jealousy, so he just says, "I suppose that's a good idea."

She is surprised at his restraint. But then she does not rise from her seat because of the sight from the window. They both look and see that the sun has reached the red horizon.

"I've never watched the sunset with you," she says.

"Then stay."

"How long?"

"How's forever? Does forever work for you?"

His echo of her words pains both of them, but they wouldn't have them unsaid.

"Forever is perfect for the next five minutes."

Buffy lays her head on Angel's shoulder and he drapes an arm over her. For those few minutes in the dying light they hurt themselves with hope.


	8. Chapter 8

Angel enters a large and luxuriant apartment in Wolfram & Hart that has never had an occupant. It was meant for Cordelia whenever she would wake from her coma. All of her belongings are there, plus much more. Angel had an internationally renowned interior decorator design the place. They told the designer what Cordelia liked and disliked, and Angel sketched her previous apartment from photographic memory. From that was made a living space truly meant for a princess. Angel even prepared for the moment when Cordelia would argue at them for joining Wolfram & Hart and he would say, "Before you keep yelling, would you like to see your walk-in closets?" But now he doubts that he will ever get to hear her reply, "Did you just say closet_s_, as in plural?"

As Angel walks in he notices that Fred and Wesley are already there, sitting on the main sofa.

"Hey," says Angel.

"Hello," says Wesley.

Fred asks, "You needed a place to mope too, huh?"

"I guess so," says Angel, "Where are the others?"

"Gunn and Lorne went to get some food. They'll be here in a bit. Where's Buffy?"

With feigned calm, "She's hiding out at Spike's for the night. She'll be harder to find there if someone from Wolfram & Heart is looking for her. "

Wesley asks, "And if someone finds her there?"

Angel sits on a chair across from them and says, "I know, but if I pressed her she would have felt coddled, and that would have made things worse. So, I gave her my number and said I can take the helicopter and be there in less than five minutes."

"I suppose that will work for now."

Grieved silence.

Then Fred says, "Angel, my heart keeps telling me that we should just wait. Wait for as long as it takes for her to wake up. When you both disappeared for months, there were times when I gave up hope, and I hate myself remembering those moments. And I'm right to, because you both came back."

Angel replies with a quiet voice, "Cordy never came back, Fred. That was Jasmine."

Another silence.

Then Wesley says, "The question is if we wait, how long before her body deteriorates to a state in which even if she does wake up, she'd wished… she'd wished she hadn't."

All Fred can say to that is, "Oh god."

Then, after they hear the clink of clothes hangers, Harmony appears from the bedroom carrying a black dress. Wiping a tear away, Harmony says, "Oh guys, look, it's her prom dress."

Seeing Angel's confused expression, Fred says, "She followed us here. Seemed alright, seeing as she was Cordy's friend. But then she went straight for her clothes."

With nostalgia in his eyes, Wesley says, "I remember that dress. Don't you, Angel? She was stunning."

Briefly lulled by memories of that night, Angel answers, "Yes, she was."

Fred asks, "You guys were at Cordy's prom?" The thought of them at a high school prom, wearing tuxedos and surrounded by teenagers, seems so ridiculous to her, while the image of Cordy in that dress, young and awake, lightens her heart.

Angel explains, "I was Buffy's date."

Wesley answers awkwardly, "I was a chaperone. There were rumors of an impending demon attack."

Still holding the dress, Harmony sits next to Fred and comments, "Is that why you kept grabbing Cordy's ass? Protecting it from demons?"

"I never grabbed…," Wesley stops and says to Fred, "I danced with Cordelia, but I was proper at all times. Angel can vouch for me."

In need of some humor, Angel says, "Well, I was preoccupied at the time, so Harmony's a better source than me."

Harmony adds, "If I were you, I woulda grabbed it too. She was hot that night."

Wesley repeats, "But I didn't grab…"

Laughing, Fred interrupts, "Wes, relax, I'm sure you were a perfect gentleman."

"Thank you," and then to Angel, "Traitor."

Angel says sarcastically, "Hey, sometimes us vamps have to have each other's back."

To that, Harmony says, "Aw, thanks boss. Oh, and along with that raise, since this place isn't being used, can I live here?"

"No."

With disappointment, she says, "Fine, but can I have her clothes?"

Angered, Fred says, "She isn't even dead yet, Harmony!"

With a strained attempt to sound genuine, and that was at least half-genuine, Harmony says, "I'm sorry, ok. You guys have to understand my grieving process is really handicapped. But I do care. Cordy was my best friend."

Another long silence.

Then Gunn and Lorne enter the apartment carrying bags of Chinese take out. Gunn says to Angel, "Ah, you're here. We thought your talk with Buffy would last longer. Um, we've brought lots of sauces, but otter blood wasn't on the menu."

Angel gets up and says, "That's okay. I'll go down and gets some."

Harmony asks, "Oh, can you get me some too?"

Remembering that he has denied her favors several times now, Angel says,"Sure, this once I'll be the one to get you blood."

Lorne places his bags down and says to Angel, "I'll tag along. There's still have that business I have to discuss with you."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lorne and Angel enter an elevator, and after a few seconds of descent Lorne pushes the emergency stop button, halting the elevator between floors.

Angel asks, "This isn't about business, is it?"

Lorne says, "I wanted to talk to you sooner, but the news about Cordy put it on hold."

"Is it Buffy?"

"Yes. When she and Spike were talking about Sunnydale under a singing spell she chirped a few lines. It cleared up a lot things that I didn't understand before."

"About what?"

"About you. It was like finding a missing piece of a puzzle that I hadn't even realized was missing. When I've heard you sing, I always sensed this hidden hope inside you, a hope for something forbidden, impossible. You wouldn't even let yourself think about it. I couldn't figure out what it was exactly, then I got to know you some more, and I thought, hey, maybe it was the sanshu prophecy. But no, it was never that, was it?" Lorne waits for Angel to say something, and when he doesn't Lorne asks, "How do you hide it so deep?"

"I've spent a century trying to not think about human blood. I'm good at repressing. Speaking of which, if you're just going to psychoanalyze me, you can stop. I know that I still love Buffy, so if all you've got to say is something about fate, champions, and Pylean words about crumbs, I've heard enough of that already."

"The term is kyrumption, Angelcakes, and it's not how I'd describe you and the little slayer. Lucky for us Pyleans, we don't have a word for that. Hell, if you two are meant for each other it's the way the rack was meant for joints. I'm mean, when it comes to doomed lovers, there's star crossed, and then there's star crucified."

Lorne's words hit something deep in Angel and he doesn't speak for a few moments. He then asks, "Why are you telling me this? I know that I hurt her if we are together, I'm haunted by it every time I think of her. That's why I left. So why are you dredging this up?"

Lorne looks down and with a tremor of pity in his voice says, "Because you're going to hurt the girl again, Angel. That's what I sensed when she sang. You're going to hurt her so much."

Angel becomes nauseated with dread.


	9. Chapter 9

In Spike's apartment, after having called Willow and told her about Cordelia, Buffy returns to the main living room. She sees that Spike has taken off his leather coat and is in the kitchen grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"How'd they take the news?" Spike asks as he pulls out a bottle of pain pills from his coat hanging on a chair.

"Willow sounded like she was trying not to cry the entire time. She said she'd tell the others. And as for you, she's seriously considering making you incorporeal again next time she sees you."

"Well, it's good to know Red cares." He then mouths several pills and then takes a sip from his beer.

Buffy sees two prominent scars circling around Spike's forearms and asks, "What happened to your arms?"

"Oh, these? What, Andrew didn't tell you? Guess not, he didn't get that close. That bloody psycho slayer sawed my arms off."

Buffy eyes widen in shock, and then they close with grief she has felt recently.

"Lucky for me, Fred reattached them and gave me some pills to dull the pain. Yeah, that crazy bitch, her mind was so cracked that she mixed up her slayer dreams of me with her memories of the bastard who raped her." He pauses for a moment, looking at the scars, and then says, "Not that I didn't have it coming."

"You didn't deserve that."

"Why, 'cause she wasn't one of the hundreds of girls I did rape and torture?"

She does not answer.

Spike asks, "How is the delightful nut case?"

"Dana's um… she's not good."

"What happened?"

Buffy eyes angle down, and she says, "She killed one of my girls. Her name was Julie. Dana tried to escape and… and Julie got in the way."

Spike is quiet for a moment. He does not want to say that he expected something like that would happen. He then asks, "What are you going to do with her?"

"I don't know. We've tried everything, but nothing has helped. For now, she's being sedated twenty four seven."

"Then you might as well have locked her back in that hospital."

"We're trying, ok, but everyone we've taken her to has no experience with slayers or the weird stuff that goes on in our heads."

Placing both palms on the kitchen counter, Spike forces himself to say,"You're not going to fix her, she can't be fixed."

"Oh, and what makes you the expert?"

"I lived with Drusilla for over a century, luv. I know."

"Well, that's great Dr. Phil. I'll just go back and tell everyone, 'Hey guys, Spike's boinked a crazy girl and he says Dana's a lost cause'."

"Oh, come on now, Slayer. Don't tell me you didn't see it?"

"See what?"

"That little something in her eyes, that darkness. I know you've seen it before, with all the demons you've killed."

Buffy doesn't reply, but he knows she understands what he is talking about.

"Yeah, you saw it. The little girl in her was shattered, the monster took over, and it ain't ever going away."

"And what do you suggest I do? Put her down like some rabid dog?"

"Can't believe I'm about to say this, but you should have left her with Angel."

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"Well, that you've told me, it wouldn't be the first time he's dealt with a serial killing slayer, and at least then, if the worst has to be done, it wouldn't be you doing it."

Buffy slams her palm on the counter and yells, "No! Dana is my responsibility, not his! _I_ told Willow to do the spell. _I_ made her a slayer and activated the dreams that drove her over the edge."

Spike sees how serious she is about this and then turns toward the kitchen table. As he sits down he says, "So that's why you stopped quick when he mentioned Dana."

Taken aback by the apparent shift is topic, Buffy says, "Stopped when? Oh, I almost forgot. You heard everything."

"Me and half the lobby."

"So, you're with him on this?"

"Hell no! Don't forget I was with you in the trenches when you did it. But I'm not so stupid to think it didn't have consequences. I'm just wondering if Dana is the worst."

Buffy sits across from him and doesn't meet his gaze.

"Is she?" he asks.

Buffy stutters several times, takes a moment to compose herself, and then says quietly, "I used to wonder why there was only one. It didn't make sense to me. A whole world full of demons and only one slayer. Now, I understand."

"What happened?"

She looks out the nearby window. "A group of slayers went rogue. They took over a slum and terrorized it, killed dozens of people. I tried to deal with it my way, but when that ended badly…," she pauses, and as a gulp forms in her throat he understands that she doesn't want to give details. She continues, "… Giles went behind my back and now Faith has more blood on her hands because of me."

As he looks at her she seems burdened with even more responsibility than when she was the one girl in all the world.

He asks, "Do you regret doing it?"

She looks back at him and asks, "What difference would it make if I did?"

"Probably none, but that's not why I asked."

"Then why did you ask?"

"I know a bit about useless regrets, luv. Best not to hide them in the basement or they'll drive you mad."

For several seconds she' doesn't say anything, trying to think of the right words. "When I see what good those girls can do," she explains, "Or when one of them thanks me for giving their life a purpose, then I feel that it's one of the best things I've ever done. But those moments are rare. When I call the parents and tell them their daughter is dead I feel like I should rot in hell."

Spike slides his chair next to hers and places an arm over her shoulders. Buffy wipes the corner of an eye with a sleeve and goes on, "Angel had a point. Ever since I became the slayer, all I wanted was a normal life again. So why did I drag thousands of normal girls into our fucked up world?"

"You were in a war, Slayer. Things had to be done. You didn't have a choice."

"Yes, I did."

"Sure, and then, for all we knew, those girls would have been lambs lead to the slaughter. None of us knew what the medallion would do, and it came too late to find out anyway."

"No, before that. I was given an offer and I rejected it."

"What are you talking about?"

"When I went through that portal and met those men who made the first slayer, they offered me more power, more of whatever it is inside me that gives me my strength, and I turned it down. It terrified me. It would have made me less human. Now, I keep wondering if I had accepted, would it have been enough to fight the First, or at least enough so that I wouldn't have thought of activating the potentials."

"You were right to say no. It might have made you a monster."

"You mean like how I made Dana a monster?"

That silences Spike.

For a long quiet moment he just tries to comfort her with his presence.

Then Buffy says, "Don't tell Angel about this."

A part of him is annoyed that she would bring up Angel when they are this close, and at the thought of him he finally notices the scent of Angel on her lips.

He asks, "Why, you too stubborn to give him the satisfaction that he had a point?"

"It's not that… ok, it's a little of that, but it's mostly because he'll want to help, and I don't want Wolfram & Hart involved in my business. Besides, he has his own life now, he shouldn't be burdened with my problems. He has enough of his own."

"Well, I don't have enough of my own. After we deal with this contract, what do you say to me helping you like old times? Sounds like you need it."

Moving away slightly, Buffy says, "Spike, please don't take this the wrong way, but I think that's not a good idea."

His draped arm drops and he looks away from her in disappointment.

She says, "Hey, it's not that I don't want you in my life. Please don't think that. It's complicated..."

"I get it," he gives an unneeded sigh, "No need to make a speech." After a moment he adds, "Just promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Promise me we'll never be friends."

She remembers what Spike told her and Angel.

She takes hold of one of his hands and says, "Spike, I promise we'll never be friends."

Then just silence and eyes.

Buffy stands and says, "Look, um, I need to take a shower, and you…" She pulls out her cell phone and places it on the table in front of him.

"What's this for?" he asks.

"You need to call Dawn."

Surprised, he asks,"You didn't tell her?"

"Didn't get the chance to. She's at college in Rome. Besides, she deserves to hear it from you."

He stares at the phone for a moment and then asks, "How is the little bit?"

"Call and ask her yourself."

"She's going to hate me."

"Maybe, but she needs to know. Her number is in my contact list."

After grabbing her suit case, Buffy enters the bathroom, but before closing the door she turns and watches as Spike picks up the phone with hesitation. He dials the number and then Buffy can just barely hear Dawn's voice asking, "Hey, Buffy. What's up?"

Spike doesn't speak.

"Hello? Buffy? You there?"

He still says nothing.

"Did you butt dial me again?"

After a few more seconds Spike says, "Hello Nibblet."

Buffy closes the door.


	10. Chapter 10

Later, Buffy walks out of the bathroom with new clothes, drying her hair. Searching for Spike, she looks around and finds him sitting on the couch, staring down at the cell phone held in one hand.

She asks, "You ok?"

He looks at her, begins to say something and then stops. He stands and instead says, "I need to hit something."

"I'll take it that it was intense."

After handing Buffy her phone, Spike walks to the chair and grabs his jacket. Placing his scarred arms in the sleeves, he says, "There's an alleyway a little ways from here where vamps like to pick off rookie whores that don't know where to advertise. You up for a little brawl?"

"Can't you just drink your angst away tonight?"

He walks to the door. "Good thinking. We'll drop by the liquor store on our way back."

"Fine, but you dust them. I just took a shower."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Buffy and Spike are in the alleyway he had mentioned. A male vampire is being juggled back and forth between them and their attacks.

"So," Buffy asks after punching the vampire, "Want to talk about it?"

"No," replies Spike as he hits the same vampire back in her direction.

Holding their battered opponent from running away or just falling to the ground, Buffy comments, "You know, I understand if she said something that hurt you, heck I even think you deserve it, but she probably didn't mean it."

The pummeled vampire asks, "Are you two in the middle of something, 'cause I can leave."

Buffy says, "Shut up," and punches the vampire back to Spike. "Just give her some time."

Grabbing the vampire by the collar, Spike looks at her and shakes his head chuckling slightly.

The vampire says to Spike, "I know. Women, right? Always asking you to share their feelings."

Spike says, "The lady told you to shut up," and strikes him in the face, sending him back to Buffy. She steps aside and trips the vampire to the ground. After giving him a kick, she tells him to stay down and looks back up to Spike.

"You don't want to talk about it, fine," she says, "But can we stop using this guy as a punching bag? This is getting sad."

"Yeah sure, but how was I supposed to know that he fights like a gerbil?"

The weak vampire manages to roll away, stand, and start running.

Spike says, "You let him get away!"

"He's not my kill, remember?"

Groaning in annoyance, Spike chases after their prey. Fortunately, the vampire is running with a limp, so Spike quickly catches up and tackles the vampire with a stake aimed right behind the heart. Before the tackled vampire can hit the ground, Spike lands hard on a thin layer of dust over asphalt.

He lays in the dust for a moment as Buffy makes her way over with no hurry. Before getting to his feet, Spike sweeps a drift of the dust in one hand. Standing, he clutches the powder in front of himself, turns, and he says to her, "This is the ticket to atonement, right? That's what Angel came to L.A. to do, isn't it? Kill the bad guys, help the helpless, and eventually you win the grand prize… or become a CEO for evil."

"What's wrong, Spike?"

"I said to him, I said, I fought for my soul, I said 'cause it was the right thing to do, and he said it was to get in a girl's pants. Ha!" He lets the dust fall. "He got me there."

"If you going to start mumbling crazy conversations to yourself again, I'm going to need a translator."

"Do you think I'm worth redemption?"

She's taken aback by the blunt question, and doesn't know how to respond.

"Didn't expect that from me, did you? Yeah, me neither. The fumes from the mighty Forehead's hair gel must be giving me lofty thoughts. I mean, I saved the world, didn't I? That must have tipped the scales at least an inch in my favor."

"What are you asking me?"

"I asked it already, nice and simple. Do you think I'm worth redemption? Maybe not now, but eventually," he points down the alleyway, "Down the road, near the horizon, will all my sins be forgiven?"

"How could I possibly answer that? What am I, your judge?"

"Who else could be? Who's seen me from more angles than you, inside and out? At my best and my worst. Things I've done to people, things I've done to you." They both remember that night in the bathroom.

"Before you get all high from the woe-is-me, let me list my crimes, take it to a priest." Buffy starts to walk back to Spike's place.

With the sliver of a pained smile, Spike says, "She asked if I was in heaven." Buffy stops and turns back with a slow shock. "Dawn, she thought maybe the reason I didn't tell you all was that I was in some paradise-withdraw, like you when you came back. Cute, thinking a damned man like me could go there."

Barely finding her voice, she asks, "What did you tell her?"

"The truth, that I was nowhere and no-when. Like I said before, one moment I was burning in the Hellmouth, the next I was a ghost in the lobby months later. For me, there was nothing in between. Lucky, I guess, considering what I deserve when the final death comes knocking." He takes a pause. "And then she went on about my sins belonging to the demon and not the man. I didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise."

"Spike, you didn't have a soul."

Spike chuckles and says, "Oh, right, I forgot. I was on a hundred and twenty year vacation and a demon rented out my body. Pretty story, that is. But did you ever think that maybe that's all it is, a story your Watcher told you so that you can sleep at night after you washed the dust from your hair?" He swipes off the residue of dust from his leather jacket.

"You of all people should know you're not the same person."

"Oh, I'm not?" He points to his head. "'Cause it's all the same in here, luv. The hunger, the sadism, the love. But instead of a chip zapping my deeds, there's a soul zapping my thoughts with voices and memories. Guilt and electricity ain't all that different, except guilt's worse."

"It can't be that simple."

"You're right, it's not, but you're the one that wants to make it simple. It gnaws at you, doesn't it, that even with a soul I'm almost the same as I was? Yeah, it gnaws at you. Shakes what you need to believe, about him. He makes it nice and clear cut with his Jekyll and Hyde act. But I know the truth, and he sees it every time he looks at me, and he hates me for it."

Buffy is hurt, confused and she doesn't know what to say.

Spike notices the pain in her eyes and clutches his head with doubt. He leans against the brick wall, and says, "Or maybe I'm different, maybe there is a clear cut and my soul's all wrong." He slides to the pavement. "Serves me right for getting it through a demon."

She crouches in front of him. All she can say is, "Spike."

"It didn't hit me till after I talked to Dawn. Nothing, my sacrifice under the Hellmouth, the best thing I ever did, was worth nothing, a literal nothingness."

"Or a second chance."

At that Spike just smiles faintly. Buffy sits down by his side.

He asks, "Where did you think I was, before you found out that I was alive?"

"I never thought about it."

"Nice to know I was in your thoughts."

"No, I mean that I try not to think about things related to the afterlife. It hurts too much."

For a long pause they listen to the sounds of the city.

Buffy looks up at the sky and cannot see any stars, let alone constellations. She says, "Spike, I have no idea what some stupid cosmic scale of justice has to say about you, and honestly it doesn't matter to me, because I know you're a good man."

"Good man, good man…"

They turn their heads, faces inches apart.

Spike says, "I can still smell him on your lips."

"Forgot to wash my face."

"I want to kiss you, but I'm not sure which I'm more afraid of, that you won't let me or that you will."

Touching his cheek, she says, "You should know by now that kissing me is always worse", and kisses his lips with an unbearable lightness that pains more than teeth just as guilt pains more than electricity.

She pulls back and he says, "You were right, that was worse."

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

He turns away and looks at the sky hued with the yellow and orange of city lights. "Good man? Redemption and heaven aside, let me ask you, if someday, who knows when if ever, me or Angel walks to your door in daylight and knocks with the echo of our heart beat, who do you want to be on the other side of the door when you open it?"

"What?"

"You know, what's it called, the, the shooshan, shanshu, whatever it is. The prophecy about the vampire with a soul who gets to be a real boy if he saves the day enough times. Now that I'm in the running, do you think I've a chance?"

She stares at him in confusion.

Brows arched in surprise, he asks, "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"No."

Spike starts to laugh uncontrollably. "The bloody git! He never told you. He never told you! Haha! Oh, that's just so wrong. So wrong. Wow! Now that's worthy of the old Angelus. Haha!"

The hear glass cracking under foot, and turn just in time to see Angel disappear from the alleyway.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Sorry for the delay. I've been having a lot of difficulty with this chapter, and I still don't consider it finished, but I felt that if I didn't post it soon I'd lose any momentum I have and get permanently stuck. So, any suggestion or comments for this chapter would be very welcomed.  
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Without knocking, Buffy charges into Angel's office and finds him sitting against the front of his desk, arms folded to chest, waiting for her. She immediately asks, "Back to stalking me again?"

Angel says, "I wasn't stalking you. I went with Lorne to Spike's apartment. He needed to read you, but you both weren't there, so I thought something had happened and I tracked you down. But you're probably not interested in why I was there, are you?"

"Human." The word sounds out with all that's wrong with us.

"Buffy…"

"Human! This is some mistake, right? Spike must have heard it wrong or something."

"No."

Her eyes shine lightly with bitter tears, and starts to ask, "How could y…" but she stops and covers her mouth with her knuckles.

"Please…"

"H-how long? How long have you known?"

"Almost four years."

"Four years. And all this time not once did you think about telling me?"

"You have to understand…"

"I understand, god damn it, I understand. It would be easier if I didn't. It would feel simpler. You didn't want to ruin my life with waiting for something that may not happen in my life time, or even at all. We both know how tricky prophecies can be, and I know how you think when it comes to staying away from me."

"I couldn't do that to you. It wouldn't have been fair."

"Fair? You want to know what's not fair? Not telling me until however many years from now when you knock on my door with a pulse and say, 'Hey, I'm human now. Want to go the beach and tan?'"

Looking to the floor, Angel says, "I did what I thought was right. I've already wasted enough of your life. I won't waste anymore."

"Our relationship wasn't waste."

"That's not what I meant." He looks back up at her. "If I had told you, would you have waited?"

She thinks of the years since he left, the nights, alone or even sometimes in the arms of other men, when she let herself wish if only, if only, if only…

"Yes."

"I couldn't do that, I…" He wants to ask if she will wait now, but he instead asks with genuine need, "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. I don't even know what I want to say. I'm not sure if I want to say anything. I ran here thinking I'd yell and fight, but I've already done that to Spike today, a-and, and I don't feel angry, I just feel so tired. Tired of this. Tired of having things kept from me by people I care about. I need to sit down."

She sits on the nearest chair, and lays her face in her raised palms. "Oh god," she sighs, looks up at him again and asks, begs, prays, "Human?"

"Don't, don't do this."

"Don't do what?"

"Don't want this. Please, don't want this, not for me."

"Wha… Why? First you don't tell me at all, and now you're telling me to forget it. Why?"

"Because I'll fail you! Because maybe I'm not the one. You heard Spike. He's in the running now, and who would you grant humanity to? The vampire who fought for his soul for the woman he loved and then burned to save the world, or the CEO of Wolfram & Hart whose soul is a curse and was sent to hell after trying to drag the world there first. Oh, and let's not forget I prevented world peace."

Not wanting to face her, Angel turns and walks to the window. Looking out at the city, he says, "Besides, Spike, he, he wants it more than I do. He's starting to believe in it like I used to."

"Why did you stop believing it?"

"Different reasons. It just slowly faded away over the last few years. Before you died, I used to think about it a lot. I'd imagine you and me in some final apocalyptic battle between good and evil, and at the end we'd be battered but standing. Then the sky would open, a light would shine down, and I'd be human." She stands and moves closer to him, and he can't help but notice his dead absence next to her vivid reflection in the window. "That's never going to happen."

"Did you still believe in it a little that last night you came to Sunnydale? Is that why you risked asking me if we had a future?"

He turns away from the glass to face her. "Maybe, but that was the last time."

"What about earlier today?"

"No."

"What was it then?"

"Weakness. When you're close like this, I'm terrified of even losing the illusion that we might be together someday. I'm weak, Buffy, and this prophecy isn't a prize, it's a burden, a cross. And now that you know, it's heavier than ever and I don't think I'm strong enough to bear it."

"So, for once, _you_ might be the one with a prophecy on their shoulders, and now you're telling me, prophecy girl, that you can't handle it."

"Would you rather I lied?"

They stand still and silent for a few moments in mutual impotence, and then Buffy says, "You know, it's a good thing I didn't fantasize about you turning human only about ten zillion times, because today would have been a real let down."

This echo of the past that never happened stuns him.

She notices and asks, "What?"

A knock sounds at the door. Angel says, "Come in."

A young male staffer enters and says, "Mr. Angel, the plane is ready and waiting for you on the strip." Angel thanks the young man, who then quickly leaves.

Buffy asks, "Plane? Are you going somewhere?"

"Buffy, there are things I wanted to tell you, but wouldn't let myself, and there are things I hoped you would never know. When I ran from that alleyway I realized I didn't want to keep them from you any more. You're tired of being kept in the dark, I'm tired of keeping you there. There's a plane waiting for us. It'll take us to Stanford in a little over an hour. If we hurry, we can be back by sunrise. You don't have to go, and to be honest, that would probably be for the best, because you can never tell anyone about what I want to show you. But I need to and I trust you, even though you have every right not to trust me."

"Why are we going to Stanford?"

"To show you why I joined Wolfram & Hart."


End file.
